


confessions to a sleeping heart

by wartransmission



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Insecurity, M/M, Second person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:11:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5865280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>things you said when you thought i was asleep.</p><blockquote>
  <p>“I wish I could just…be happy, with this,” you confess, gaze roaming the entirety of his face, “I wish I could just stop worrying about how this will end. You sound so sure whenever you say you like me, but that can’t really be possible, right? You should be tired of me by now; it’s been two years of us doing this. Dating. I’m still wondering why you try to keep it up.”</p>
  <p>You breathe, and so does he.</p>
  <p>Then he opens his eyes.</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	confessions to a sleeping heart

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of related to my two other "things you said" fic-poetry! Here are the links:
> 
> [the things you said but not out loud (my ears may not hear, but my heart always listens)](http://jadedgalvanizer.tumblr.com/post/135710468278/the-things-you-said-but-not-out-loud-my-ears-may) \- Kuroo’s POV
> 
> [the things you didn’t say at all (but i heard anyway, because the soul will hear when its other half calls)](http://jadedgalvanizer.tumblr.com/post/136752705003/the-things-you-didnt-say-at-all-but-i-heard) \- Tsukishima’s POV

“Kuroo-san.”

He releases a breath in response, soft and warm on your skin, but doesn’t open his eyes to signal his awareness of your voice.

You sigh, and try again.

“Tetsurou,” you whisper this time, his first name unfamiliar on your tongue and your voice half-croaky with disuse after having napped for what could be an hour and a half beside him. You watch, with blurry vision and all, the stillness of his long lashes, his closed eyes, and half-open mouth, yet he doesn’t move an inch. There is nothing to signal his wakefulness.

Well. What an (un)fortunate turn of events.

If he had been awake…

 _You wouldn’t have talked to him at all, Tsukki_ , your internal Yamaguchi berates, making you wrinkle your nose in annoyance at being told off by a not-even-present friend.

But he’s right. He often is, most days, though you more often hate to admit it.

 _Just take it as practice_ , Yamaguchi had suggested when you’d first talked to him about Kuroo, a sly smile on his face after having told you to confess your- what, sins? Mistakes?- to your dozing boyfriend. _If you can say it to his face when he’s asleep, you can definitely figure out a way to tell it to him when he’s awake._

What a stupid suggestion. What a stupid, idiotic, risky suggestion.

But you listened anyway, because it’s not like you have any other options. Letter-writing had been- has always been- off the table, because it’s too cheesy for your tastes. Texting your feelings to him would be distasteful, e-mailing him would cause your nerves to act up until you couldn’t handle it, and telling everything to his face was just, frankly, terrifying.

You’re smart, but you’re not very wise. You’ve realized that a long while ago, after having been told off by your best friend of god knows how many years.

“I’m going to hit you if you’re just pretending to be asleep, Kuroo-san,” you whisper for good measure, pressing your lips together in a firm line when he doesn’t so much as twitch to signal your having his attention.

You take in a breath, let it out, and press your lips firmly together again in a show of newfound determination.

This entire thing is stupid, but it’s better than bottling everything up until you feel sick with your own emotions.

“You scare me a lot,” you murmur, gaze lowered for a moment to his collarbone, peeking out from under his black shirt. “I hate it. You frustrate me, and you push me into trying harder even when I don’t really want to. It’s annoying. _You’re_ annoying,” you amend, turning your gaze back up to his still-sleeping face with a frown. “It annoys me how you can so easily get under my skin. How do you do that? _Why_ do you do that?”

You breathe in again, deeper this time, letting the air well up in your lungs before letting it all loose in a huff of breath. “I don’t understand why it’s me. I know that I’m taller than the others, but is that good enough? Is that enough of a reason for you to want to deal with me? Why me, Kuroo-san?” you ask, trying not to let your desperation for answers, for understanding, leak into your voice. “Why not anyone else? Or did you find it fun to rile me up, knowing how difficult I can be?

Was that all it was?” you ask again, your voice slowly reaching its normal volume as you go on. The frustration and embarrassment bubbles like hot water in your chest, while anxiety covers you like a cool blanket of ice as you continue to say, “Did you just want a challenge? Someone you could,” you stutter to a halt, taking in a shaky breath as you squeeze your eyes shut for a second. “Someone you could tease just to pass the time, knowing that I wouldn’t be used to people like you?

Did you know that we’d end up like this?” you whisper in question, voice gradually becoming smaller as you watch him for any signs of awareness. “Did you know- no. No, of course not,” you chuckle wryly, raising a hand to rub at your eyes with the heel of your palm, “You’re not that smart. You’re clever, but not enough to figure out that I’d end up liking you like this. Because that’s what this is, Kuroo-san. I like you.” Your lungs quiver with a shaky breath and you grit your teeth, trying your best not to get embarrassed at what you’re going to say. You’ve gone far enough- going further shouldn’t be too hard.

“I like you, Kuroo-san,” you mumble, voice fading into an annoyed grumble as you wrinkle your nose at the peaceful expression on his face. “Maybe I’m a masochist. It wouldn’t be too surprising, considering what I’ve had to deal with through the years. Maybe I just like how frustrating you are. I don’t know.” You sigh with your head lowered, not wanting him to be disturbed from his slumber with your breathing. “Maybe you’re a masochist too, for wanting me. For liking me. It’s the only explanation, since I’m not all that nice to you.”

You smile and it doesn’t quite feel genuine, doesn’t feel all that honest on your mouth, but you keep smiling anyway.

(You’re scared of what your face will do if you don’t. You might or might not cry, and you really don’t want to take the risk.)

“I wish I could just…be happy, with this,” you confess, gaze roaming the entirety of his face, “I wish I could just stop worrying about how this will end. You sound so sure whenever you say you like me, but that can’t really be possible, right? You should be tired of me by now; it’s been two years of us doing this. Dating. I’m still wondering why you try to keep it up.”

You breathe, and so does he.

Then he opens his eyes.

You can’t help a flinch when he blinks slanting eyes open to look at you, his gaze sharper than you’d expected from a person fresh from sleep. “Who says I’m keeping anything up, Kei?” he asks, the sound of your name in his voice so natural and wanted that you can’t help from flushing red in embarrassment. “Who says I can’t like you?”

You slap him on the arm, because two years of dealing with him being touchy-feely has lent you the privilege of being touchy-feely right back, though in a less than affectionate way. “ _Kuroo-san_ ,” you hiss, red probably blooming bright and visible on your cheeks up to your ears as you glare at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were awake?”

He grins, cat-like and sly as he catches your hand in his to place a kiss on the heel of it. You clench your jaw for lack of anything else to do, knowing better than to swat his hand away from yours when you could just as well end up accidentally slapping yourself. “What, and miss your confession?” he asks, shamelessness dripping in excess from his wide smile as he presses your hand to his chest. Gradually, you can feel that slow _thump-thump_ beneath your palm, and your heart- traitorous, _annoying_ thing that it is- drums out a beat in your ears as though to mimic it. You really, really wish it’s just your imagination, because if it isn’t, then your body is more of a traitor than you’d ever thought it could be, and that’s just terrifying for your chances at hiding your feelings for Kuroo.

Kuroo says, mockingly dramatic as ever, “Kei, you wound me. You should know better than to believe that I’d pass up a chance to hear you speak up your innermost thoughts.”

You squint at him, both because of the lack of glasses and because of your irritation with him. “You’re horrible, Kuroo-san.”

He smiles cheekily. “What happened to Tetsurou?”

“ _Horrible,_ ” you repeat, before choking back a yelp when he surges forward to press a quick peck on your lips. “Kuroo-san!”

“You’re so cute when you’re angry,” he leers, earning him another, stronger, slap on the arm, righter after you’d freed your wrist from his grasp. He actually yelps this time, clearly having received enough of an impact from your palm to warrant a pained reaction. “ _Kei_ , come on!” he whines childishly, covering up the blooming red mark on his arm with a gentle hand.

“You _deserved_ it,” you say with a sneer. Then he grins again, and your sneer falters, because you really don’t understand him. _At all_. “What?” you ask, suspicion coloring your tone.

“It’s even cuter when you’re shy about your feelings,” he coos, earning him a goldfish imitation from you as you gawp at him in disbelief. A little more seriously, he says, “But really, that’s not the only reason I confessed. You should have realized that by now.”

You roll your eyes, because it’s so _typical_. “What, is it because you like my legs? My height? My face?”

He dons a beaming smile, and you feel warm all over again. It’s disgusting, how sweetly he treats you, but you’re…not really all that averse to it, if you’re going to be honest. “I like them all,” he admits, “but that’s not it.” He pauses, looking contemplative as he purses his lips, then says, “You can’t seriously think I’d date you, knowing that you’re not very nice, just because I think you’re physically attractive? I’m nicer to myself than that, Kei.”

“If you’re that nice to yourself, then I don’t see a reason for you wanting to date me,” you drawl, sitting up and turning over for a moment to grab your glasses from the bedside table, before turning back to face him with the glasses settled neatly on your face. “Try again, Kuroo-san.”

“I like it when you’re mean to me,” he purrs while looking up at you, before laughing when you just give him a blank look. “Okay, okay, not really,” he says, “but I like it when you’re being snarky. I like it when you’re sarcastic, and kind of mean, because I’m not all that nice myself. You should’ve noticed that too.”

You shrug, conceding the point. “That’s not enough of a reason, though.”

He smirks, and you feel yourself dreading what he’s going to say next. “Kei,” he drawls while pulling himself up to lean on the headboard of his bed, “are you _fishing?_ Because if that’s what this is-”

“ _No_ ,” you snap, immediate and embarrassed at the assumption. “That’s not- no. That’s not it.”

He blinks innocently, though his sly smile betrays all intent at playing naïve. “Then what is it? You should know, I’m more than willing to wax poetic over how much I love you.”

All too quickly, heat blooms and spreads over his entire face at casual confession. “You- I- nn,” you grumble, unknowingly clasping your hands together on your lap as you glare at the wall in front of you instead of at Kuroo. “Please don’t,” you settle for saying once you’ve gotten enough of your composure back, all while knowing better than to believe that he’ll just let that go.

“No, no, it’s absolutely fine,” he says, as though trying to soothe ruffled feathers. “Because I really do adore you, you know. You’re- it’s precious, whenever you get all embarrassed like that. Because you’re really not used to being liked like this, are you?” he asks- a rhetorical question, going by the way he continues talking, “I’m more than willing to make up for everyone else’s failings.”

“ _Failings?_ ” you ask incredulously, looking at him with wide eyes with a deep frown. “I’m not- I got confessions, I wasn’t that deprived of affection, Kuroo-san.”

“But they never actually pursued it, did they? None of them were willing to tell you all of this like I am, right now,” he says, smile looking a tad more- fond, than anything else. You can’t help sputtering, because this is _really_ not what you’d expected to happen when you confessed to Kuroo.

Then again, you weren’t really expecting much in the first place.

“Hey,” he says, voice soft and hand warm as he covers your hands with his palm. You look up and he’s smiling still, affectionate and sweet, even when all you offer him in turn is a bewildered expression. “Kei. Really,” he chuckles, leaning forward to nuzzle your nose in an Eskimo kiss, “you’re sweet in your own way. I like it. I like you.”

Voice small, you manage to croak out, “Kuroo-san-”

“Shh, it’s fine. Just let me talk, okay? You had your turn while I was pretending to be asleep.” He grins and you wrinkle your nose at him, though you go a bit cross-eyed doing it when he’s so close. “I like how you’re so honest,” he begins, sitting back with his hip pressing against your thigh while moving his free hand to trail his fingers down the side of your face. “I like how you’re not scared of offending people. I like how you’re mostly polite despite that, and I like how you’re so _very_ unwilling to let anyone get one over you. I like how stubborn you are, and I like how you really, _really_ like strawberry shortcake.” He grins and you glare, annoyed that he will never let that go while being simultaneously…well, _pleased_ , because it’s nice to have someone who wants to know what you like, just because _you_ like it.

“I don’t always like how mean you can be, but that’s part of why I like you as a whole,” he adds, voice soft as he trails his hand to press a thumb at your lower lip. You lick at the tip, just to see what he’ll do, before clenching your jaw in embarrassment when he locks onto the sight with an intense look. “I like how much of a tease you are too,” he adds, smirking when all you can do in reply is glare at him. “I like how…imperfect, you are. It makes you so much more real, and good, and the fact that you’re changing like I am as time passes,” he trails off into silence, gaze going out of focus as he lowers his hand to rest it on his lap.

“I like how it feels, being with you,” he says, the words sounding so much more like a confession than everything else did because of how _raw_ it feels from the tone of his voice. “And I like how you’ve let me into your life, even when you didn’t think you could like me at first.”

He smiles, and you feel a weird kind of warmth curling around your heart as though to say, “see? You’re loved. You’re wanted. _He loves you._ ”

“I like how you gave me a chance, even when you didn’t have to,” he says, leaning closer, amusement curling at the corners of his lips when he notices your eyes fluttering half-shut. “I just…like you. I love you.”

“Kuroo-san-”

“Try again, Kei,” he whispers, and you swallow back the whimper that had threatened to escape your mouth.

“Tetsurou,” you say instead, letting out a relieved sigh when he presses his lips against yours in a sweet kiss. It’s brief, only a second of contact between your lips and his, but it’s enough, somehow.

It’s always been more than enough, having him love you like this. You’ve just never known how to tell him that, until now.

He’s smiling when he pulls back by an inch, and you’re pretty sure you’re blushing, but you do your best to ignore that. He says again, only a whisper away from your lips, “I love you,” and you can’t help an instinctive smirk. You press another kiss to his lips and he makes a sound like a hum in the back of his throat, most likely pleased as he smiles against your lips. You say as you pull away, eyes half-lidded and lips curling up in a smile,

“I know.”

He blinks, surprised, then laughs- because _of course_ you couldn’t settle for a typical “I love you too.” It wouldn’t be like you at all.

But he’s grinning, forehead pressed to yours as he sneaks another kiss from your laughing mouth, and you think it’s okay.

This, whatever this is, is enough.


End file.
